Here we are again, friends. Here we find ourselves in that magical time of year where we dip our toes into the river of existentialism with questions like “where did the time go?” “how is it 2019 already?” “what have I achieved this year?” and “how can I change my life for the better?”
There’s always such a sense of optimism at this time of year. We all start thinking of the things we finally want to do, places we’re finally going to visit, changes we’re finally going to make. All the magazines start advertising their latest low-calorie diet plans, with headlines like “NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!” and “6 MONTH EXERCISE PLAN TO GET THAT BIKINI BODY READY FOR SUMMER”. Somewhere in the world, a legion of gym owners are rubbing their hands together at the thought of all the cash they’re about to get from January sign-ups.
But here’s the thing. We all know how this goes. A New Year’s resolution is like crash diet: it works at first because you’re the most motivated at the start, but it’s unsustainable because we give ourselves too many goals, with too-high stakes. And most fundamentally, in my opinion - the New-Year mindset is unhelpful because it puts goal-making into a conditional state.
What I mean by this, is that the goal is only there because it’s New Year’s. So it’s all very well and good to be motivated at the beginning of the year, but what about when March comes? What about when the New Year has passed and we’re saying “how is it already March?”. And even worse, we’re all so accustomed to beating ourselves up that we almost thrive on failing our New Year’s resolutions. Because then we can say things like “typical, I can never stick to my exercise goals” or “I’ll never find a new job” or “I’ll never learn that language”. It reinforces the negative beliefs we hold of ourselves.
So here are some ideas of how to approach your New Year with a little mindfulness:
Be realistic.
Take a look at everything you have right now. Consider your home, your friends, your partner, you job, your hobbies, your finances, your possessions, your health, your habits… everything. Now think about your goals. If your New Year goals involve making changes to a lot of things, it might be a good time to re-evaluate. You are deeply woven into the fabric of your life, and making a lot of big changes is probably not realistic. Maybe pick one change to make and then follow that thread: how will those changes affect the rest of your life? Will you be able to make changes to that thread without dismantling all the others? Do what’s right for you, at this moment. Keep your goals attainable and healthy.
Break it down.
You do not have to make a huge change overnight. If your goal is to run a marathon, you can’t wake up on January 1st and run ten miles. You’re going to hurt yourself and then suffer the consequences. Habits form slowly, and with time. Take it slow, let yourself learn from the process, and allow yourself the freedom to deviate from the plan, if that’s what’s right for you in the moment.
Do it now.
If you’re waiting until January 1st to start your new habit, ask yourself if you’re really motivated to make this change. Or, ask yourself if you’re actually just setting yourself up for failure. Because if you are stuck in a cycle of too-big-goals followed by beating yourself up when you fail, do yourself a favour and don’t even let yourself start. It might be healthier to avoid trying to make a change than to give yourself a massive goal that you know you can’t achieve, especially if you’re naturally inclined toward self-deprecation. However, if you feel that you truly are motivated to make the change and you feel inspired, let your inspiration be the condition on which to make that change. Don’t let January 1st be your condition. If your goal is genuine, you can start right now. Because, sure, when January 1st comes, that’ll be your ‘right now’. But when January 1st passes, your ‘right now’ will be different. And if you’re always waiting for your ‘right now’, you’ll be waiting forever. Your right now is already here.
Be kind.
Bad things happen. They just have to. There’s no way to avoid it. We can always do our best, but sometimes things happen outside of our control. There will be moments in 2019 that will make us sad or angry. We will suffer, because suffering is just a part of life. But we can be kind, to ourselves and each other, so that when suffering occurs, we can heal and continue on, so that we can be present for the things that are good and joyful.